normal?

i love you, i really do.

reading articles or lines that connects your name and the word hurt can make my stomach go rumbly and cold inside.

but deep down, i like to imagine you getting in a more serious pain.
like a movie, i can see with my eyes closed the scene that contains you involved in a car accident, or you falling down the stairs and i can even see the news about your body buried in ruins of an earthquake.
but weirdly, i can see myself watching the news, and what am i doing?
i am crying of course.
and then after a while, you'll get better again and you'll be normal just like before

slowly getting my eyes open, i wish that it will never happen to you.

but then again, i keep getting those fantasies.. *i mean nightmares* of that.

alone in my room, i often wonder why.

why?

am i a freak?
is it normal?
seriously, answer me.