i still have loads of sins to erase

seeing the news about the earthquake,
i am scared.

okay, i know it's a little weird but i often imagine about me, dead.
like what made me die? what's my family's reactions? and i even imagine that my spirit is there, watching my funeral.

okay, that's scary.

i often imagine that i will die while sleeping, peacefully.
so now before i go to sleep, i always pray so i could wake up tomorrow morning

and i imagined that i will be at my room when the earthquake starts. my mom is screaming and calling my name. i cant hear her. i'm too scared to open the door.
and i said:
"leave me and save yourselves."
i'm looking for some shelter and i closed my eyes. i'm praying so that my family will be alright. and of course so that i'll survive and continue my life.




sometimes i think that it'll be better if i'm gone.
my mom will not be mad everyday because i'm too lousy and others
my dad will not be spending much money because of buying me what i want
my brother will live peacefully without a big sister who makes fun of him everyday.

but thinking about death, i dont want to be separated with my family, my friends now.
i still have loads of sins to erase.
i dont want to go to hell.
and dont take them away from me too. i cant live without them
okay. it's late.
i'm going to pray, and then i'll go to sleep.

i wish i can still open my eyes tomorrow morning.