no. just no.

okay, i recently posted something in tumblr that disturbs me. like, seriously.

 

it all began yesterday, when i was peacefully sleeping and then i dont even know why, i started imagining a plot. yes. a plot. a story. and i thought it was a dream, but no, i was imagining. there are differences, okay.

 

so, the night of my birthday, i went out with my family, and we had a car accident or something like that. I was badly injured and shiowaudpoasud9psaufsaboyf8a i was dying. the next day, i *obviously* didnt go to school, and in my mind, no one cares about me, even when my birthday just passed. i wanted to end all of this but i need to meet certain people before i go.

 

i ended up begging my mom to CALL the school and ASK them to come (that was so freaking desperate. gue sedih sm diri sendiri) oh, and for some people i called them myself because they’re not in alizh anymore. so then when they finally came, i talked about the stuff people talk about when they’re about to die and stuff. after that, my family came in and did what they have to do such as asking if i still have some wishes or something that bu netty told us in religion class.

 

the weird part is I WASNT DREAMING. i was half awake, and my dreams would NEVER be that fnoadsfnasoyhdaoiy NORMAL. my dreams are ALWAYS weird and they NEVER made any sense. so obviously, i was imagining it. so, my brain actually took a part of this story. and i actually cried. AND I DONT KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER TO POP SUCH THINGS IN MY HEAD LIKE THIS. (this may be the impact of reading so many depressing stories. –_-)

 

i dont want to die in such way:( heck, i dont want to die until i reached the age of 70 –_-. that bothers me. a lot.

 

and i also teared up at the part where i talked to my so-called most precious friends. it was exactly what i’ve been itching to tell them. and yet, i still havent gathered enough courage to reveal them.

 

it’s not that important, really. but it made me realize how closed i really am. god do i regret playing those personality tests. so the only way i can open up and say what i’ve been craving to say is when i’m dying?

 

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*omg this post is emo-er than i thought it would be. well, this is 1.30 in the morning anyway.*