what's with the EMOlicious title? BECAUSE I'M GOING EMO. AGAIN. oke. i'll talk in indonesian okay he eh uggay.
prolog. plis. ngertiin gue ya. i cant talk to you personally because I JUST CANT. i'm all wrapped up and i thought you already knew. IF YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM AMNESIA OR SOMETHING, just check this post. uhhuh okay. now let's start.
sebenernya gue udh tau, hari ini bakal dateng. dan sumpah, sebelom ini gue bener2 clueless ttg semua ini. iya emang gue hari ini emang ngantuk, tapi gue juga cape. CAPEK IDUP. dan nyadar gak kalo gue menjauh? gue tadinya berharap gue bisa melampiaskan semua, tapi nyatanya gue gak bisa. karena gue udh repot nahan air mata duluan. yaaaa emang sih, gue emang ngantuk dan nguap, tp sebagian besar bukan krn itu.
UNTUNG AJA OTAK GUE GAK SEGEDE KACANG dan gue ngambil sedotan. pas gue lagi nunggu hop hop, lo harus tau, gue udh rasanya pengen ngibrit pulang dan ngunci diri. susah nahannya euy. dan gue melampiaskan dgn gigit2 sedotan, yang sekarang udh penyek. asli. dan gue pun gak konsen nonton basket, gue sibuk mikirin SEMUA INI.
trs, gue emang udh ngerasa, tp pas kemaren lo tiba2 nggak nyantai, lo tau gak sih gue udh hampir hilang kendali? atau lo sebenernya emang jujur gak tau? oh well. sekarang to the poin aja.
jujur, pas gue tau masalah kalian, gue sih ya.... oke. suer. but what hit the spot was when you said that you feel like you have to like them to get close to us. SERIOUSLY. LIKE, SERIOUSLY? i was doing pretty well until you spat those words out. i thought you werent like that. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MESSAGE I WROTE TO BABY? dont you remember? we're close NOT because we love the same stuff, but because we ARE meant to be together, like, we can do random things and understand each other. and what you said earlier just slapped me. hard.
believe it or not, gue awalnya juga nggak suka sm yang lain. tp gue ngeliat lo dan lo yang satu lagi suka, dan of course, gue gak mau ketinggalan. MAKA DENGAN TANPA PAKSAAN BATIN, I SERIOUSLY TRIED TO LOVE THEM. to know them better. I WAS ACTUALLY TRYING. NOT FAKING. get it? and with ALL THE EFFORTS, i finally can love them the way i do now. why cant you be like that? and now, believe it or not? i was actually trying to love your other interest.
trs yang lain. pas LO bilang kalo lo merasa gue baru baik pas lo jauhin gue, nah, pas itu rasanya gue udh pengen meledak. do you remember how we even start our friendship? it was because NEITHER of what we love now. i thought you already know, kalo GUE EMANG LEBIH NYOLOT KALO GW UDH SAYANG SAMA ORANG. gue gak bakal berani ngebully kalo gue gak merasa deket. gak merasa orang itu udh ngertiin gue yang sebenernya dan maklumin. I REALLY THOUGHT YOU ALREADY KNEW THE REAL ME. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SAME FREQUENCY? did you change it by yourself, AND NOT TELLING ME TO CHANGE IT TOO? what the fuck happened to the twins? with abilities to read each other's minds? where the fuck did SHE go?
dan ternyata gue baru tau kalo, you dont know me at all. and fyi, i was nicer NOW, because i felt AWKWARD WITH YOU. AND THAT WAS (i think) IMPOSSIBLE BEFORE. dont you get me at all? DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO BE NICE LIKE THAT? DONT YOU FEEL LIKE I'M MORE COMFORTABLE BULLYING YOU BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU? i wouldnt DO THOSE THINGS if i'm not feeling close. oke, jauhin aja gue terus biar gue baik sm lo. FINE. WHATEVER.
dan gue juga merasa... jadi lo kira lo harus tau biar deket? jadi yang biasa kita kobamin di twitter itu sebenernya boong? dan sumpah, kalo lo gak suka, lo mending ngasihtau gue A LONG LONG TIME AGO. BIAR GUE GAK KAYAK GINI, BIAR KITA BISA FIX INI. SEBELOM JADINYA KYK GINI. because i already know that you were having secrets behind my back. the truth is, being the more matured me, gue maklumin karena gue kira kalian punya rahasia ke orang lain, layaknya gue gak ngasihtau lo ttg masalah kelas gue. tapi ternyata nggak. ternyata kalian ngomongin kita? now, i know how it felt to be stabbed from the back.
gue capek. i'm too tired to accept the ugly truth. and to think our time together was not really GREAT, because deep in your hearts, you were hiding something.
mungkin lo kira gue emang mengemo pas ngomongin orang, mungkin lo kira gue gak ngasihtau lo karena gue gak percaya atau gue gak sayang sm kalian, tp gue sebenernya NGGAK KYK GITU.
masalah gue adalah gue gak mau dianggap bermasalah. gue gak mau dianggap lemah, cengeng. PLIS LIAT POST GUE YANG DIATAS.
dan lewat ini, gue baru nyadar ternyata yang bikin gue ng-emo itu ini. yap, gue tau gue lemot, jadi gue melankolisnya juga telat, baru sekarang. plis ya, gue dan jujur itu SANGAT JAUH. PLEASE, IT EVEN TOOK ME MONTHS TO REALIZE THAT I LIKED A GUY. that's because i'm too used to lying to myself, it's hard to find the real truth. gue udh jago bgt boong, gue sampe berhasil ngeboongin diri sendiri.
okay, now what i need is time. I SERIOUSLY WANT US TO BE NORMAL AGAIN, but i need time. gue. lemot. oke, biarkan gue sendiri. LEAVE ME ALONE (ya sebenernya ini gampang aja sih, orang kalian udh sering ninggalin gue sendiri).
huh. finally i can release it in ONE POST. you dont know how THANKFUL i am to this blog. because here, you cant really see what i'm really doing to myself, because I AM NOT CRYING. i will never let you know that i'm crying.
i'm not crying because i'm NOT WEAK.
i'm not.
i'm not.....
*cutting pake sedotan*
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